


Prodigal Son

by Wyndewalker



Category: Follow The Stars Home
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, References to Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-21
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 16:56:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/851850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wyndewalker/pseuds/Wyndewalker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the help of his lover Mark has come to terms with his 'abandonment' of his family. Now he will need his strength to help him get through the death of his daughter and possibly reconcile with his brother and his wife, Mark's ex-wife.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prodigal Son

**Author's Note:**

> Eric Close played Mark McCune in the movie. Caleb Standish is 'played' by Anthony Starke. There is minor reference to the Mag7 ATF AU.

Mark smiled as he watched Caleb smoothly toss the docking line, tethering the hauler in her berth. He loved watching the man as he worked, his compact body poetry in motion as he moved fluidly from one task to another. He still thanked God for that day three years ago when he'd returned from having his last hope with Dianne dashed and ground firmly into the dirt, and there had been Caleb Standish leaning against the piling next to the hauler, green duffel bag at his feet. He wasn't a tall man, maybe 5'8", and his body had a stocky look to it, though most of it was hidden by the black sailor's coat he wore. His black knit cap had been shoved into a pocket along with his hands, allowing the sea breeze to ruffle his hair. A medium brown in the shade, the sun had come out from behind the clouds and turned it to rich reds and golds. Dark green eyes had watched him approach with very little expression on the square face except for a little quirk to his lips.

Mark hadn't wanted to know who this man was or what he was doing by his boat. He just wanted to log in with the Dockmaster, find out his quotas, stock his supplies, and then get the hell out of there for as long as he could. Only Caleb wasn't easily put off. Somehow he'd known that if Mark went out alone he wasn't likely to come back. Against his will, Mark had allowed himself to be talked into hiring Caleb on. He didn't really have a good reason for objecting; other than he just wanted to be left alone to nurse his broken heart. It wasn't like his quotas would be increased since it was a boat quota and not a per person quota. And with a second person he'd be able to go beyond his quota rather than just barely make it like he usually did.

The first few months were rough. Mark had resented almost everything about Caleb, from his mere presence on the boat, to the fact that he could cook whereas Mark had usually ended up living on Mac & Cheese. He resented his ever present deck of cards when they had time to sit back for a while, to his ability to just shrug off Mark's hostility and eventually make him smile, once to even laugh. Nor was Caleb much of one for talking. Oh, he could go on for a good clip at a time if you started him on a topic he was interested in, but he didn't pry into Mark's past, just as he rarely offered anything about his own. Mark had learned the hard way that it was better not to trust, not to share your feelings with someone else. They always just ignored them and did what they wanted anyway. Caleb also kept his own counsel about Mark's drinking. There wasn't much he could say about it since Mark was always good about not drinking while they were at sea. If he chose to spend most of their time on land in a drunken haze, then that was his business.

Eventually Mark began to warm up to the man and stopped resenting him. He still felt like Humpty-Dumpty after he'd taken his fall, but Caleb was slowly helping him put himself back together again. Then one day as they were headed out to the fishing grounds Caleb told him about his past. Mark learned that Caleb had a twin brother named Ezra and that their mother, Maude, had raised them, never telling them whom their father was. Most of their childhood was spent being shuttled from one boarding school to another and one relative to another while Maude pulled her cons and went from one husband to the next. The only constant in their lives had been each other and the deck of cards she'd given each of them. Caleb learned early on to rely only on himself and to take care of his brother. Ezra had continued to hold out hope that this time Maude wouldn't send them away, that they'd finally be a real family. It had never come to pass. Caleb didn't bother trying to please her, he did what he wanted. When he discovered his love of the sea he'd left college and signed up on the first trawler that would take him. Maude had never spoken to him again and he was fine with that. Ezra had continued with college, getting Bachelors degrees in both business and criminal justice. Then much to Maude's dismay Ezra joined the FBI. The last time Caleb had heard from him he was working with the ATF in Denver and had finally found friends he could call family.

Mark managed to tell him a little bit about his family, about his parents and his two older brothers. How, first his eldest brother died from a birth defect when Mark was 9, then a year later they found out his mother had cancer and died two years later. He told Caleb about how he discovered his love of the sea and his time in the Navy. And he told him that he'd been married to a woman named Dianne. That they'd had some problems and he'd left. Then how he tried to reconcile with her just before he hired him, but she'd already fallen in love with his older brother, the perfect one who could do no wrong. When Mark apologized for not being able to talk about it more, Caleb had just shrugged and in his soft Southern accent said, "When you're ready the words will come. There's no need to rush. I already know everything I need to."

They'd been fishing together a little over a year when the first anniversary of Dianne and David's marriage came around, the marriage he had not been invited to attend, nor had he really wanted to. They were at dock so he'd gone into town and gotten as drunk as he could and still remember the directions to get back to the boat. Caleb had offered to come with him, but he'd snapped at him and told him he didn't need a goddamned babysitter and to just leave him the hell alone. So Caleb was in bed and asleep when Mark finally stumbled his way to the boat at four in the morning. He still wasn't sure how he managed it but he'd stripped down to his boxers and climbed into a bunk. Caleb's bunk to be precise. Still fast asleep, Caleb had thrown his arm over Mark's waist and pulled him close, spooning up behind him. Mark had sighed and gone to sleep, enjoying the feel of another body pressed up against his, of being held after so long without any real physical contact with another person.

The next morning he'd woken to find himself sprawled across Caleb's chest, a hand lightly caressing his back. He'd tried to rise and stammer out an apology, but Caleb had held him still and said, "Unless you need to empty your stomach then there's no reason for you to not remain exactly where you are. I don't object to you being here, though I must admit it was something of a surprise to wake and find you here. As for the quirk of fate that brought us to this position, well, sometimes, Mark, we simply need to be held. Humans were not meant to wander this earth alone, completely bereft of any contact. I think you have been hurting for a very long time and perhaps finally you have found someone that you know you can trust, someone who will hold you and expect nothing in return. That is what I'm offering. A shoulder to lean on when you need it, someone to listen to your problems and not judge you for it, and I won't, Mark. I spent my entire life being judged by my mother and, though he tries not to, by my brother. I won't do that to you, no matter what you tell me. And should you wish it, someone to hold you while you sleep."

Mark had lain there for several moments, turning over Caleb's words in his alcohol-sodden brain, until finally he understood what was being offered. For the first time since his brother had died, Mark allowed himself to truly cry. He curled tighter against Caleb's side as the harsh sobs wracked his body. A soft litany of reassurances in a honeyed Southern drawl washed over him, eventually soothing the nearly unbearable ache in his heart. After a time he stopped crying and drifted off to sleep, Caleb's arms still wrapped protectively around him.

The next time he woke Caleb was sitting on the side of the bunk in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. As soon as he saw Mark was awake and semi-coherent he handed him a glass of water and some aspirin. When he was done, a plate of charcoaled toast was handed over. Mark choked it down knowing it would help settle his stomach. He couldn't help but admit to himself that it felt nice to have someone looking after him.

When he was finished, Caleb asked, "Feel better?"

Mark started to snap that, no, he didn't feel better since his head was pounding like a bass drum, but he stopped himself. He did actually feel better. His heart no longer felt like a gaping wound in his chest. "Yes, I do," he finally admitted shyly.

"Good," Caleb smiled, patting him on the shoulder. "Why don't you try and get some more sleep while I go get us some supplies for our next trip?"

"You don't have to do that by yourself. I can come," Mark said, moving to get out of the bunk. Caleb stopped him, pushing him back down.

"It's all right. I'm just doing some grocery shopping and picking up the parts for the engines. We can go again later so you can pick up some healthy food and we'll stop at the video store and pick up some previously viewed tapes. All right?"

Mark nodded meekly and allowed himself to be tucked into Caleb's bunk. He watched as Caleb changed his sweatpants for jeans, pulled on his boots, and then his coat. With a smile and a "Go to sleep," Caleb was headed out the door. Rolling over, he buried his face in the pillow that still bore Caleb's scent and wondered what it was about the man that made him feel so comfortable, so protected. Before he could really analyze it he was fast asleep again.

Almost a week and a half passed before Mark sought out Caleb's bed again. No words were spoken. Caleb just lifted his covers for Mark to crawl in and held him as he curled up close to his side.

After a month they gave up on using separate bunks at all. They used Caleb's for sleeping and Mark's as a couch since it had a good view of the TV and VCR.

It was during this time, while they were lying curled together on the bunk that he finally told Caleb everything. He told him how he'd loved his eldest brother more than anything in the world and had watched him get progressively sicker until the day he left for the hospital. He'd promised nine-year-old Mark that he'd be back before he knew it and they'd finish The Adventures of Tom Sawyer together. His brother had never come home and Mark never finished Tom Sawyer, not even when he was supposed to read it for school. Then he'd watched as for two years the cancer slowly ate away at his mother until she was nothing but a withered husk, and she too entered the hospital to never come home. At twelve, Mark was able to understand it a little better, but the hurt was still there. He watched as David became their father's favorite, the one who got straight A's in class, who went to medical school and became a doctor. The one who did something with his life.

Then he met Dianne and it was like the sun had finally come into his life. He loved everything about her. She was beautiful and intelligent and strong and caring and she understood him. She'd said she didn't blame him for being angry or upset that his brother and his mother had both left him. She'd said she understood why he hated hospitals so much. He proposed, she accepted, and a few months later they were married. Then they discovered they were going to have a baby and Mark had felt like he was on top of the world. There was nothing he couldn't do with Dianne by his side. It all came crashing down the day the doctors told them their daughter was going to be born with severe birth defects. She'd never be able to walk or talk normally. She'd always be sick, and if she lived more than a couple of years at most it would be a miracle. Both the specialists they saw strongly suggested the baby be aborted. Mark agreed. He couldn't see bringing a child into the world just to watch it sicken and die without ever really living. But Dianne refused. She wanted this baby and she was going to have it and to hell with how he felt about it. It had been the hardest and the worst thing he'd ever done, walking away from Dianne and their unborn child, but he couldn't stay. He couldn't let himself love a child he knew from the very beginning was going to die in a couple of years.

He didn't completely abandon her. Every month like clockwork he sent her a check to help support her and the baby. Each and every month she sent it back to him. When the divorce papers came he signed them, though it tore apart his heart to do so. He stayed away for six years and in all that time he never removed his wedding ring, because in his heart they were still married. One night as he was docking in San Francisco a call had come over his radio telling him Dianne was in a hospital there in the city after being hit by a drunk driver. He thought fate had given him another chance.

Everything seemed to be going good, Dianne had agreed to give them another chance. David told him their daughter, Julia, only had a few more months. Once more Mark thought it was fate. He'd found a house in Portland, Oregon and he had just enough to put down on it. When Julia died they would move there and make a fresh start. He realized now how callous he'd sounded, but he'd thought it would be for the best for everyone. Dianne hadn't seen it that way. She'd told him Julia was the best thing that had ever happened in her life and she wanted him gone. If she needed help David would be there for her as he'd always been, like he, Mark, should have been.

That happened just before they'd met. When he was finished telling his story Mark waited for Caleb to tell him what a selfish bastard he'd been. Waited to be kicked out of the bed and for Caleb to storm out and never come back. Instead Caleb had held him tighter and told him everything happened for a reason. He was sorry that Mark hadn't been able to handle having a child with such a severe birth deficiency, but he also understood how when one has been hurt so badly in the past it becomes almost impossible to willingly open one's self up to that kind of hurt again. He didn't blame him for reacting the way he did.

Mark had whispered, "Thank you," and they both drifted off to sleep the last tear in Mark's heart finally beginning to mend.

Six months went by before they kissed for the first time. They'd just finished watching a romantic comedy that they'd bought on a whim the last time they were in dock. Mark turned to make a comment but had been caught by the soft look in Caleb's eyes. Without thinking he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Caleb's. When he pulled away he dropped his gaze, ashamed of what he'd done and afraid he'd just ruined things between them. He had no idea what had possessed him to do what he did.

Caleb gently raised Mark's chin, making him meet his gaze. "You have nothing to be ashamed of, Mark, nor did you ruin things between us."

"How did...?"

"Please. We've been living together in this boat for nearly two years. I think I know a little about the way you think by now."

"And you don't mind that I kissed you?"

"Hell, no, I don't mind. I've wanted to kiss you since the day we met, but I also knew you'd been badly hurt. I knew I would have to let you come to me in your own time. Trying to force you would have only driven you away."

"Oh," Mark said softly, trying to comprehend that Caleb had been interested in him all this time and he'd never seen it. Now that he did know he didn't care anywhere near as much as he should. This was Caleb, the one person who really and truly understood him. Someone who he knew his heart would be safe with. Mark nervously wet his lips. "So, you wouldn't mind if I kissed you again?"

"The only thing I'd mind is if you didn't kiss me again. Come here." Caleb wrapped his hand around the back of Mark's neck and slowly pulled him forward to seal their lips together. He kept it light at first, just a gentle pressure as he moved his lips over Mark's, then he ran his tongue over Mark's lower lip. With a soft sigh Mark opened his mouth. Caleb continued to move slowly, not wanting to frighten the man in his arms. He gently explored the front of Mark's teeth, pausing every now and then to lick then suck on his lower lip, before dipping back into the sweet mouth.

Mark was amazed at how different kissing Caleb was from kissing any woman he'd known. For one thing, Caleb was the one in control of this kiss and he didn't mind all that much. Caleb's tongue was also much stronger, more forceful than any woman's. He found that he liked it. He didn't need to be the aggressor, though after a moment he was far from idle. When Caleb's tongue dipped once more into his mouth, he met it with his own tongue, rubbing against it. He wasn't sure if he moaned or Caleb moaned at the contact. Sucking on the slick muscle, he began to caress Caleb's lean chest with his hands.

He slipped his hand beneath Caleb's tee shirt to get to the silken flesh he knew lay beneath it. Soon that wasn't enough and he moved his hands down to the waistband of Caleb's jeans. He didn't know what they'd do once he had them both naked, but he knew that's where he wanted to be. Caleb's hand on his stopped him and he pulled back confused.

"Slowly, Mark. We don't have to do it all tonight."

"But, don't you...?"

"Yes, I want you, Mark. I want you very badly, but I think tonight is too soon, too fast." Caleb sighed when he saw the hurt and confusion in his new lover's eyes. "Have you ever kissed another man before tonight, Mark?"

"No."

"Have you ever really wanted to?"

"I... I don't think so."

"Have you ever wanted to have sex with another man before?"

"No, but I want to...I want to with you."

"I know you do, and I want to with you as well. Right now though I think we're better off taking it slowly. I don't want you to wake up in the morning going oh my God what have I done."

"I won't do that."

"Uh-hmm. Mark, who is the more experienced with this?"

"I'm going to assume you."

"Yes. So would you please listen to me? We will do this, when I'm certain you're ready for it. For now, I kind of like the idea of necking with you," Caleb said with a wide grin.

"Necking it is," Mark agreed, though he thought he was ready for more. It extended more towards heavy petting but soon they fell asleep in each other's arms, the fatigue of their chosen profession catching up with them.

They had several good days of fishing and each night could do little more than kiss before they fell asleep. Finally they headed to port. While Mark was settling up with the Dockmaster, Caleb disappeared in the directions of the phones. Just as he was finishing Caleb reappeared, grinning hugely enough that Mark wondered what he'd been up to.

"How'd we do?" Caleb asked, completely ignoring the curious look Mark was giving him.

"Two hundred pounds over quota. About 22 grand. Not a bad trip."

"Would have been better if we hadn't had that storm preventing us from heading farther west, but not bad at all. Got a surprise."

"Yeah? What's that?" Mark asked absently, checking over his logbooks. Caleb leaned in close so he could whisper in his ear.

"I got us a hotel room in the city. Thought we could 'celebrate' tonight, if you get my meaning."

Mark looked up at him surprised. "You sure? We're ready to, uh, celebrate?"

"Yeah, I'd say we're ready to celebrate. What do you say we go use the dock showers, get into some clean clothes and have dinner at a nice, non-seafood restaurant before we go celebrate?"

"That sounds like a very good idea to me," Mark answered with a wicked grin.

"Good."

They made short work of the final docking procedures and making sure the hauler would be set over night before grabbing a bag with the last of their clean clothes and heading for the dockhouse showers. They quickly changed, stored their stuff in one of the lockers kept for just such an occasion and headed up to the street to hail a cab.

Dinner flew by as they inhaled their pasta and talked about inconsequential things, chatting up the waitress about current events. Finally they walked to the hotel. It was a nice night for walking, still warm but beginning to cool for fall. At the hotel they checked in, ignoring the desk clerk's knowing look and headed up to their room.

Once in their room, Caleb put out the Do Not Disturb sign and locked the door. Turning around, he found Mark had already shed his jacket and was almost done with his shirt. Feeling Caleb's eyes on him, he slowed down his movements making it a strip tease. Caleb leaned back against the door and watched Mark move, his shaft hard and aching in his pants.

Naked, Mark sauntered over to his lover and wrapped his arms around him, kissing him hard and deep. Caleb groaned and returned the kiss, his hands coming to rest on Mark's buttcheeks. He squeezed and kneaded the round globes, pulling Mark hard up against him. He could feel Mark's erection pressing against his leg. Then Mark's hands were moving, working to undress him. Caleb helped, just as eager to be naked and in the bed with this beautiful man.

As soon as he was undressed, Caleb walked Mark back to the bed until his knees buckled beneath him and they tumbled down. They laughed as they rolled on the king size bed, unused to having so much room to maneuver in. Their bunk on the hauler was really not intended for more than one person to sleep in it. Caleb moved so that he was on top of Mark, his emerald green eyes even darker than usual with desire. Mark stared up at him and wondered how he'd never noticed the love shining in those beautiful eyes before.

"Mark, I...How would you like to do this? I'm comfortable being a bottom or a top. Which would you prefer? Cause I'll be happy any way I can have you."

Mark was silent for a moment, trying to decide what he wanted. All his life he'd been straight so it was natural for him to feel he should take Caleb, but at the same time he wondered what it would be like to have Caleb buried inside him. After a moment his insecurity won out and he decided to go with what was familiar. "I'd like to take you. I just...I'm not sure if I'm ready to..."

"Ssshh," Caleb quieted him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "It's perfectly natural. I figured you'd want to go with what you knew but wanted to give you the choice."

Lifting a hand, Mark brushed his fingers over Caleb's cheek. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?" He whispered.

Caleb smiled and brought Mark's hand to his heart. "This beats only for you, my love. Now, make love to me."

With a grin, Mark raised up and kissed him, his hands moving to Caleb's waist so that he could roll them both over so he was now lying between Caleb's legs. He paused, looking down at where their bodies were pressed together, loving the feel of it, but realizing a rather important factor. "Uh, Caleb? Now what do I do?"

Caleb chuckled as he twisted to grab the tube he'd remembered to drop on the night table before. He handed it to Mark who just kind of stared at it. "You need to lubricate and stretch me, Mark. Otherwise it really really hurts."

"Oh, right. Of course. I knew that." Mark knelt between Caleb's legs as he opened the tube. He squished it a little and watched as a bit of gel squirted out to land on the sheets. Caleb sighed and grabbed the tube from him. Taking Mark's hand, he slicked up the index and middle finger. He put the tube off to the side while he guided Mark's hand down to his opening. Relaxing himself as much as he could, Caleb used Mark's fingers to slime himself a little bit before he slowly pushed Mark's index finger inside himself.

Mark gasped at the tight feeling of Caleb's ass muscles around his finger. Some of the women he'd bedded had been tight, but nothing like this. Figuring it was kind of like preparing a woman for sex, he began to move his finger in and out, rotating it as he moved. When he was sure Caleb felt a little looser he pushed two fingers inside him. He glanced up when Caleb moaned, uncertain if he'd hurt him. The look of pleasure on his face was more than enough to reassure him and he continued his ministrations. Soon he had three fingers inside Caleb and loved the way the smaller man was pushing back against him.

"Push them in deeper," Caleb moaned. "Should feel a small bump. Oh God, yes! That's it! Oh yeah, Mark! Now! Please, take me now."

Obediently, Mark withdrew his fingers and smeared the remaining slime over his throbbing cock. Scooting in closer, he tried to figure out exactly how he was going to line himself up. Caleb helped him out by hooking both legs over his shoulders and shifting until his ass rested on Mark's knees. Grasping his cock, Mark guided himself into Caleb. It was real tight at first and he began to wonder if he was going to fit and then suddenly his tip was sheathed in Caleb. They both gasped and shuddered at the feeling.

After a moment Caleb pushed back, urging Mark to push deeper. Slowly Mark worked himself in until his entire length was buried in Caleb's tight channel. Once more he paused, regaining control of himself while he waited for Caleb to adjust as well.

Caleb's whispered, "Fuck me," was all Mark needed to start moving. Slow, shallow strokes at first, he just enjoyed the feel of gliding in and out of his lover. Caleb's moves soon became insistent and he began to speed up until he was pounding fast and hard into him. He managed to bring a hand up to stroke Caleb's own straining erection in time to his thrusts. One of Caleb's hands gripped his backside trying pull him deeper inside while the other tangled in his hair bringing his head down so they could kiss.

Caleb came first, his whole body tensing as wave after wave of intense pleasure swept through him to center around his cock, spilling his seed onto their chests. Mark cried out into Caleb's mouth as muscles tightened around his throbbing erection and he bucked, forcing himself harder and deeper into Caleb to release his own seed.

Mark continued to twitch and tremble above Caleb for several moments, experiencing the most intense orgasm he'd ever known. As he slumped down onto Caleb he felt the world slowly fade to grayness and then to black. Caleb too had felt the mind-numbing grayness, but managed to push it back. He cradled Mark in his arms, carefully moving them so Mark remained inside him, but he could lower his cramping legs.

Settled to his liking he gently stroked Mark's sweat dampened hair. He'd known from the moment he'd seen Mark approaching him that he'd found the one he'd been looking for all his life. The man he would finally give his heart to. He'd wondered at the wisdom of it when he'd seen the utter despair in Mark's eyes, but something inside him knew that the love they would share would be all the sweeter for having known and overcome the suffering.

Only a few moments passed before Mark began to regain consciousness. He came to with a moan. "Oh God, Caleb. That was...that was..."

"The most intense, nerve-tingling, mind-blowing orgasm I've ever experienced," Caleb said helpfully.

"That and more," he murmured, pressing a kiss to Caleb's shoulder before lifting his head. "I've never experienced anything like that before."

"Neither have I," Caleb admitted, tightening his legs around Mark's waist to prevent him from going anywhere. "I've heard it said that when you find your true mate, the one you're destined to spend the rest of your life with, the sex becomes almost a religious experience. So, do you think that qualified as a religious experience? Or should we try again to be sure?"

Mark's light blue eyes darkened with arousal as his softening cock stiffened once more inside Caleb. "I think we definitely should try it again. Make sure we have something to compare it to. For accuracy."

"Hmmm, yes. For accuracy," Caleb chuckled then gasped when Mark's teeth bit into the flesh of his shoulder, marking him.

***********

Mark came back to the present when Caleb pounded on the wheelhouse window, a knowing grin on his face. That had been just over a year ago now. They'd found contentment with each other, fishing the sea by day and making love in their narrow bunk at night. He smiled as his lover slipped into the wheelhouse and came to stand next to him. It wasn't nearly as close as Mark would like but they could be seen easily from the dock and their relationship was not something they wanted on public display.

"What're you thinking about?" Caleb asked, fairly certain he already knew the answer.

"Us. How we got to be us. Remembering our first night together in that hotel room."

"Hmm. You know we didn't get to celebrate our one-year anniversary properly, what with being out to sea and all. I think we need to recreate that night. What do you say?"

"I'd say that sounds like a good idea." Before he could say anymore they heard the sound of running feet on the dock and a voice calling Mark's name. They stepped outside to the rail to see the Dockmaster waiting for them

"What's going on?" Mark called down to him.

"I've got a message here for you from a Hannah Parker. I'm sorry, Mark. She says your daughter, Julia, passed away night before last. The funeral is set for tomorrow afternoon. I'm really sorry."

"Thanks, Harry." Caleb answered for him, concerned at how pale Mark had gone. Once he was sure Harry was out of earshot he asked, "Are you all right, love?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it's just...all this time, knowing she was going to die, keeping myself away so it wouldn't hurt and it hurts anyway. My daughter is dead, Caleb."

"I know, Mark. I know. Come one. Let's go inside." Caleb gently steered him down into the cabin and to their bunk. "Why don't you lie down? I'll take care of everything with Harry. Do you want to go to the funeral? I can make the arrangements."

"I think I'd like that. I don't want to intrude, but I need to be there. I need..."

"I understand. It's all right," Caleb reassured him, holding him tightly.

"Do me a favor, Caleb?"

"Whatever you need, love."

"Call the florist shops. See if any of them have lilacs? I don't care if they have to fly the damn things in overnight. They're Dianne's favorite."

"Yeah. I can do that," Caleb nodded, wondering if he wasn't about to lose Mark to the misguided hope that he could once more reconcile with his ex-wife. Mark's grip tightened on his arm.

"You're not going to lose me, Caleb. I know she's with David now. I also know now we could never really give each other what we needed. You're everything I ever needed or wanted, love. Just you and no one else."

"I love you, Mark," he whispered, kissing him.

"I love you too, Caleb."

Caleb helped him shrug out of his jacket and then lay back on the bunk. With a sense of deja vu Caleb tucked him in before heading up to the deck to take care of business. He wondered at the strange coincidence that they'd decided to dock here in Hawthorne rather than wait out the storm and dock further up the coast like they usually did. Everything happens for a reason, Caleb thought to himself. Even if we don't know what it is.

**********

The next day Caleb watched as Mark struggled to write a letter that he wanted to send with the flowers. He'd offered to help with it but Mark had shaken his head and said he needed to do it himself. Finally with only an hour left before the funeral, Mark folded over the letter and slipped it into an envelope. On the outside he marked, Please Read. They would drop it off at the florist before they went.

It only took a few minutes to change and they were on their way. The drive to the cemetery was silent, with Caleb sneaking glances at Mark and Mark staring out the window. Caleb had deliberately timed it so they should reach the cemetery after everyone else.

Mark nodded gratefully to his lover when he saw what he'd done. No one would notice him standing off to the side. The last thing he wanted to do was cause a scene at Julia's funeral. With Caleb beside him, he walked to a tree not far from the ceremony. It was close enough that he could hear what was being said without being intrusive. He couldn't bear to see the looks of grief on Dianne and David's faces so he closed his eyes and just listened. As the minister spoke the final words, he felt Caleb's hand on his arm, indicating they should go. He nodded briefly, hastily scrubbing at the tears on his face as he turned to follow his lover. He never noticed Dianne or David looking in their direction.

 

***********

Dianne wasn't sure what made her look up from the coffin containing her baby girl, but when she did she was surprised by what she saw. Standing a short distance away beneath one of the oak trees that lined the cemetery was Mark. His head was bowed and his eyes closed. Next to him was a strange man she'd never seen before. She noticed the way the man glanced worriedly from the ceremony to Mark, and finally touched his arm. At the same time she tightened her grip on David's arm and nodded towards Mark. She felt him stiffen but make no move to leave her side.

They both watched as Mark nodded to the other man, never really opening his eyes, and turning away from them. They did see him wiping at his face.

Dianne wasn't sure if she should be angry that Mark had dared to show up at Julia's funeral, or glad that he was finally showing some emotion for the daughter he hadn't wanted. If not for David standing by her side she might have gone after him to demand an explanation, something. She didn't wish to cause a scene though. Suddenly it occurred to her, neither had he. He'd kept himself well away from them all and made no move to make any kind of disturbance. Even had his friend remind him it would be best to go. She leaned against David, wondering if they'd ever see Mark again.

**********

Dianne glanced around the crowded living room still amazed by how many people had come to pay their respects to Julia. Not bad for a little girl who wasn't supposed to live more than a couple of years at best. She smiled at Amy when the young girl came over and hugged her.

"Julia's in a good place now, right Dianne?"

"Of course. She's in Heaven where she can run and play and do whatever she wants." Dianne hugged her close, glancing up and meeting David's gaze across the room. The sound of the doorbell ringing had her turning to look at the front door.

"I'll get it," Amy said, pulling away. Dianne followed behind her, wondering who it could be. As far as she knew everyone who'd been at the cemetery was there, except Mark.

"Dianne, there's another flower deliveryman here," Amy called out to her as she came up behind her.

"Thank you, Amy." Dianne stopped when she saw the flowers the man held. A large bouquet of lilacs with roses and baby's breath mixed in. They could only have come from one person.

"Are you Dianne McCune, ma'am?"

"Yes, I am."

"Could you just sign here? And this is for you." He handed her a slim white envelope marked Please Read. She immediately recognized Mark's handwriting. Absently she gave the man a five-dollar tip and asked Amy to put the flowers in a vase. All of her attention was on the envelope in her hands. Without thinking, she went out to the sun porch where she'd spent so much time with Julia.

Sinking down onto the wicker loveseat, she flipped over the envelope and opened it. She'd only just pulled out the sheet of notebook paper when David spoke from the doorway. "What is that?"

"A letter from Mark."

"Really. What does it say?"

Dianne looked up at the bitter tone in David's voice. "I don't know. I just opened it. He also sent a bouquet of lilacs and roses." She paused, looking down for a moment at the neatly folder paper, then back up at him. "David, I know you're angry with him. I don't know that I can ever truly forgive him, but I can't hate him. He did love me, and he gave me Julia. I want to at least read what he has to say before I judge him."

David nodded; praying silently that his brother didn't cause more damage than he already had. He sat down next to Dianne, placing his arm around her shoulder when she leaned against him. They read the letter silently to themselves.

 

_Dear Dianne and David,_

_I'm not sure where to start. A good friend once told me that everything happens for a reason, even if we don't know what it is. When Julia came into our lives, and she was a part of mine for all I tried to deny her, I couldn't understand why God would allow a child like her to be born. It seemed cruel to us as her parents and family, and to her. Dooming her before she had a chance to live. While I still think it was cruel I think I understand now why she was here. She brought her own brand of love and joy into this world, and to your life, Dianne. She made me realize I was never meant to be a father, and as much as I loved you, still love you, Dianne, I realize now we were never meant to be together. Julia helped to bring you and David together, which is good because if I know my brother he'd still be beating around the bush rather than ask you directly. I'm sure there are many other changes she's made in your lives, both bad and good, just as I'm sure you wouldn't trade any of them for the world._

_I wish I could have been the husband and father you wanted me to be, Dianne, but I won't say I would do things differently because I don't know that. I won't lie to you. I will say that I'm glad for all the happy times you had with her. I wish you and David all the love and happiness in the world._

_I'm docked at the Bay View Marina, berth 26. The name of the boat is Follow The Stars. I'll be in dock until Saturday. I'll understand if you never want to see me again. I just wanted to let you both know how sorry I was for all the pain I've caused you._

_Love,  
Mark_

 

David held Dianne tightly while she cried. He was glad Mark had finally recognized the pain he had caused and that Julia was not the mistake he'd considered her to be. Even if Dianne didn't want to go see him, he would. It was time they finally settled things between them. His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Hannah, Dianne's mother.

"Is everything all right? Are you okay, baby?" she asked, clasping one of Dianne's hands in hers and stroking her hair.

"I'm fine," Dianne managed to get out. She straightened up and wiped at the tears on her face, letting out a half-laugh, half-sob sound. "It's okay, Mom. Really. I just got a little emotional over the letter Mark sent with the flowers."

"Letter?"

"Um-hmm. Here," she handed it over and watched her mother read it.

Finally Hannah nodded, then looked back up to them. "Are you going to go see him?"

"I would like to," Dianne answered looking up at David. "Do you...?"

"I'd like to talk to him too. Tomorrow maybe?"

"Tomorrow," Dianne affirmed.

"Good. It's time the three of you talked."

"I thought you didn't like him, Mom?" Dianne and David both stared at her in surprise.

"I never actually said I didn't like him. I just wasn't happy with the way he handled things."

"And now?"

"Now I think he's grown-up a bit, learned to take responsibility for his actions. He never wanted to hurt you, Dianne. He just didn't know how to handle things."

"How do you know that?" David asked, still surprised to hear Hannah taking Mark's side.

Hannah sighed, smoothing the letter in her hands. "About a year ago Mark wrote me a letter. He wanted to know how you both were doing, and he wanted to know if Julia was continuing to prove all her doctors wrong. Those were almost his exact words. We've been corresponding for almost a year now. The postcards that my 'penpal' has been sending Julia were actually from him. He asked me not to tell you. He didn't want to intrude or cause a problem."

David and Dianne stared at Hannah in shock. This was the last thing they'd expected to hear.

"She knew you know," Amy said softly from the doorway.

"What?" Dianne turned to look at her, still reeling from Hannah's revelation. "Julia knew what?"

"She knew those postcards were from her real dad. She never said anything because she didn't want you to get upset. I have a letter that she had me write to him." Amy pulled a pink stationary envelope from her bag and handed it to Dianne.

"Julia wrote Mark a letter?" David asked, his eyes never leaving the envelope Dianne held.

"It's mostly just saying thank you for the postcards. Would you make sure he gets it?"

"Of course," Dianne assured her, her fingers brushing over the writing on the envelope.

Amy smiled and quietly left. After a moment Hannah patted Dianne's knee, smiled as well, and took her leave. She knew they had a lot to think about.

**********

Part 2

**********

When the cab dropped Caleb and Mark off at the Marina, Mark stopped on the boardwalk. Caleb waited silently, wishing he could take away some of his lover's pain. After a moment Mark said, "Why don't you head on down to the boat. I'm going to take a walk."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I won't be gone long. I just need to do some thinking."

"All right. I should have dinner ready in an hour or so."

Mark nodded starting to turn away, but stopped, "Thank you, Caleb."

"You're welcome."

With another nod he continued along the boardwalk. Caleb watched him go with a sigh. He hoped David and Dianne came the next day, but at the same time he hoped they wouldn't. He was afraid of what they might say to Mark. Not that he wouldn't be there to pick up the pieces again. Though, to be completely honest, he couldn't really blame them for their bad opinion of Mark. They didn't know him the way he did. He hoped that they would try to.

Forty-five minutes later Caleb was stirring the pasta when Mark came into the cabin. One glance at him and Caleb lowered the burner to a bare simmer and dumped the vegetables back into the cooler before moving to take his lover in his arms. Mark clung to Caleb, holding him so tightly he could barely breathe. When Mark buried his face in the crook of Caleb's neck he could feel tears.

"It's all right, love. Everything will be all right," Caleb crooned reassuringly.

Heaving a ragged sigh, Mark lifted his head to stare into the Southerner's deep green eyes. Finding whatever it was he was looking for, he sealed his lips over Caleb's. It was a raw, hungry, passionate kiss. Caleb clenched his hands in Mark's coat as his mouth was ravaged. Mark pulled away slightly, but only to nip and lick and suck on Caleb's lower lip, producing a ragged groan from the Southerner.

Finally he rested his forehead against Caleb's, his hands loosely cupping Caleb's face, their panting breaths mingling together. Mark shuddered ever so slightly and smiled when Caleb automatically held him tighter. "Make love to me, Caleb?"

"You have but to ask," he answered, swallowing thickly.

"Thought I just did?"

"Smart-ass," Caleb grinned, pressing a soft kiss to Mark's lips as he helped him slip off his coat.

"Yeah, but you love me anyway," Mark answered with his own grin, sliding his hands beneath Caleb's sweatshirt so he could slide it up and off of his lover.

"That I do," he murmured raining kisses upon each inch of flesh he uncovered as he undid the buttons of Mark's dress shirt. At the waistband of the slacks Caleb dropped to his knees, his fingers quickly undoing the buckle and the zipper. He pushed the slacks down to puddle on the floor while he pressed his face against the straining bulge in Mark's jockeys.

Mark's hands dropped down to tangle in Caleb's hair. He watched with hooded eyes as his lover, the man he loved more than anything in this world, mouthed his erection through the thin cotton material. He groaned deep in his throat at the feel of the wet heat sucking on his engorged flesh, yet not actually touching it. He whimpered when Caleb pulled away, and that whimper became a moan when Caleb pulled down his jockeys and took his cock in his mouth.

Caleb put his hands on Mark's waist to keep him from thrusting, loving the way he could turn his lover into an incoherent mess so easily. He alternated between long, slow licks along the entire shaft to sucking on just the flared head. Soon he began deep-throating him, taking in Mark's entire length before letting it slide out of his mouth until he reached the head. He would catch the ridge with his teeth and lave the tip with his tongue, wringing hoarse whimpers and groans from Mark before starting all over again.

When he could stand it no more Mark pulled Caleb up in front of him and took his lips in a rough, passion-filled kiss. He could taste traces of himself on his lover's lips and it made him even harder. Pulling away, he whispered, "I want you inside me when I come."

Caleb stared at Mark for a brief moment, his eyes bright with desire. With a ragged moan he captured Mark's lips once more, exploring every inch of his sweet mouth with his tongue, as he walked them to their bunk. Mark sat down on the edge, his hands going to the button and zipper of Caleb's jeans while pressed wet kisses to the muscular chest before him. They quickly rid Caleb of his jeans and boxers, and then Mark was taking Caleb's stiff manhood into his mouth, sucking on him lightly. Just when Caleb thought he would go mad from the sweet torture Mark pulled away and scooted further back on the bunk, his legs falling open wantonly.

"Take me, my love."

With a mock growl Caleb pounced on him, kissing him passionately. One hand fumbled on the small shelf above the bunk for the lube while the other gripped Mark's hip, holding him tightly as he rocked against him. Finally getting a hold of the lube, Caleb moaned when Mark wrapped his legs around his waist, settling him more securely against him. Caleb slicked up a couple of fingers and slipped them between them to Mark's tight opening. As he breached the tight ring of muscle he closed his mouth over a taut nipple making Mark pant and writhe from the pleasure of it. He continued to lick and nip and suck and generally torture the hard nubs while he quickly stretched and prepared Mark. Caleb grinned when Mark cried out, arching his back, at the feel of Caleb's fingers brushing over his prostate.

Satisfied that Mark was ready, Caleb withdrew his fingers and replaced them with his cock. Bringing his lips down over Mark's in yet another passionate kiss, Caleb pushed into him. Once they were fully joined he paused; savoring the feel of Mark wrapped around him. He pressed soft, lazy kisses along Mark's throat, dipping his tongue into the hollow at the base, then moving up with broad strokes of his tongue until he reached Mark's earlobe. He nipped it before taking it into his mouth to suckle on it.

"Please!" Mark groaned hoarsely, his fingers digging into Caleb's backside, trying to draw him deeper into his body.

Caleb relented and began a steady rhythm. Mark gasped and moaned as each thrust rubbed against that pleasure spot. He loved the slow way Caleb made love to him, steadily building up the pleasure, but at the same time he felt like he was being tortured to death by not being allowed to come. Soon Caleb began to speed up his rhythm. It became shorter, harder, bringing him impossibly deeper. With each thrust Caleb slammed against Mark's prostate making him howl from the pleasure.

Mark felt as if he were being eaten alive as Caleb's lips moved voraciously over his skin, leaving no place untouched on his shoulders, neck and face. Then a hot, moist hand wrapped around his throbbing shaft, jerking him off with hard strokes, and he gave up any attempt at thinking. He was racing towards the cliff's edge and suddenly he was flying. Every nerve ending was on fire with a pleasure so intense Mark was certain he'd died and gone to heaven. He didn't hear himself hoarsely wailing Caleb's name. He didn't feel Caleb's teeth sink into the flesh between his shoulder and neck. Didn't feel Caleb stiffen above him and pump his hot seed into him. Mark didn't even feel his own release as it coated both their chests. He simply let the waves of pleasure carry him into oblivion.

Some time later Caleb came to. Realizing he'd passed out on top of Mark, he gently shifted them so they were now mostly on their sides. Mark was still out cold, though Caleb wasn't entirely surprised what with him smothering him. He gently ran his fingers over his lover's face, tracing its' contours lovingly. He smiled when Mark made a contented noise and snuggled closer. After another moment of just watching him sleep, Caleb slipped out of the bunk. He turned the stove completely off and wet a hand towel with warm water. He quickly cleaned himself off and rinsed the towel. Returning to the bunk, he found Mark watching him, a content smile on his face.

"How're you doing?" Caleb asked getting back into the bunk.

"Fine," Mark answered, the fingers of his left hand drawing lazy patterns on Caleb's chest while the Southerner gently washed him off. Once Caleb was finished, Mark took the towel and tossed it on the floor. He wrapped his arms around Caleb's waist and laid his head on his chest, his favorite position for sleeping or even just relaxing with his handsome Southerner. Caleb pulled the sheets up over them.

"Mmm," Mark murmured. "Now I'm even better."

Caleb pressed a kiss to his sweat-dampened hair. "Good."

Several minutes passed quietly as they lay there just holding each other. Finally Caleb broke the silence, "I don't know what you had planned for tomorrow when David and Dianne come by, but I don't think it would be a good idea to tell them about us, at least not yet."

Mark propped himself up on his elbow so he could look at him. "Not that I'm agreeing or disagreeing but can I ask why you think that?"

"I think," Caleb answered, running his fingers up and down Mark's arms, "that tomorrow should be about you and them and Julia. It shouldn't become about you and me and their reaction to our relationship."

"You're right," Mark agreed, laying his head back down, "it's just...I don't want to hide you. You're a part of my life and I want them to know about that."

"I don't want you to have to hide me either, Mark. I just feel tomorrow is the wrong time for you to say, by the way I'm bisexual and the man living with me on the boat here is my lover. Let them deal with one thing at a time."

"I know, though it would almost be worth it just to see the look on David's face. I can just see him all bug-eyed and open mouth like a fish."

"Mark," Caleb mock growled. Mark couldn't help snickering.

"Don't worry. I promise I'll be good."

"That's all I wanted to hear."

"Really?" Mark asked, moving so that he was now kneeling between Caleb's legs, his arms braced on the pillows on either side of Caleb. "You don't want me to be naughty at all?"

"Well, maybe just a little," Caleb grinned, holding up his fingers to indicate how much.

"That's what I thought," Mark smiled before lying down on top of Caleb and capturing his lips for a kiss.

**********

It was just about noon the next day by the time they finished cleaning and airing the cabin, and gathering up all the dirty laundry. Caleb could tell Mark was worried about David and Dianne's visit. The taller man was always a bit anal about keeping the cabin and the wheelhouse clean, but he was really throwing himself into it today. Caleb even had to drag him out of their tiny bathroom before he passed out from the cleaning fumes. Finally there wasn't much else for Mark to clean other than the pans Caleb had lunch cooking in.

"I'm going to head to the grocery store to pick up some stuff and drop off our list for the trip." Caleb said as he shrugged on his coat. "You know what to do about lunch, right?"

"I'm not completely helpless in the kitchen," Mark grumbled good-naturedly, following his lover up onto deck.

"Uh-huh. Let the meat simmer in the sauce for another thirty minutes, then turn the burner down to low. Put the water on to boil. It shouldn't take more than ten minutes to cook. Okay?"

"Yes, Emeril. I've got it," Mark laughed when Caleb eyed him warily. "I've got it."

"Fine," Caleb said uncertainly. Mark in the kitchen tended to be a disaster. "I shouldn't be gone more than twenty minutes. Maybe half an hour."

"Will you just go?"

"All right. All right. I'm going."

He'd only just stepped off the boat when Mark called out, "And only one box of Twinkies, Caleb."

"What?" the Southerner demanded, turning back to face him. He didn't notice the couple coming down the gangway towards them. "One box? That won't last more than two days. Five boxes."

"Oh no. Not on your life. One box. I'm not sitting through another storm with you hyped up on sugar and nowhere to go. One box, Caleb."

"But, Mark," he whined.

"Don't but me. One."

"All right. How about four?"

Mark just looked at him.

"Two?" Caleb pleaded.

"Two, that's it. Now get going."

"Aye, aye, Cap'n," Caleb grinned snapping off a salute. He turned to go and found Dianne and David watching him curiously. He smiled and looked back to the boat. Mark had just disappeared inside. "Hey, Mark!"

"Yeah?" He stuck his head back out the door. "What'd you forget?"

"Nothing. They're here." Caleb grinned at the sudden look of panic that crossed his lover's face. Then it was gone and Mark smiled brightly at him as he crossed to the side of the boat. "Dianne, David, you came!"

"Yes, well," David said, glancing at Dianne then back to Mark, "we thought it was time we all talked."

"Yeah, it is," Mark answered quietly.

"I'm gonna get going, Mark. I'll be back in half an hour," Caleb said, breaking the sudden silence.

"What? Yeah, okay. And I promise I won't burn lunch."

"Better not." Caleb nodded to David and Dianne before hurrying down the dock to the gangway. David and Dianne watched him go before turning back to Mark with openly curious looks.

"Caleb Standish," Mark answered, gesturing for them to come aboard. "He's First Mate. Second and Third too," Mark grinned. "We work the boat by ourselves."

"Really?" Dianne looked over the large boat and the massive net attached to the winch.

"Is that usual?" David asked, suddenly worried that his little brother might be taking unnecessary risks with his life.

Mark shrugged. "Most haulers crew three or four guys. Until I hired Caleb I worked the boat myself. Couple of times I hired some others but I was usually ready to toss 'em overboard after one trip. Me and Caleb worked well together so I hired him on permanent."

"How long ago was that?" Dianne asked, wondering if he was responsible for Mark's change in attitude towards Julia.

"Three years ago just about," Mark ducked his head. "Just after... uh, here, why don't we go inside? It's a little chilly out here, and Caleb'll kill me if I let lunch burn."

They followed him into the deck level cabin and saw that it was used mostly for storage. He led them down a narrow staircase into a cubicle of a room. Pointing to the door to the right and a little behind the stairs, Mark said, "That door'll take you to the refrigerator units, the engines, and the main hold where we sort out everything. Through here is the main cabin where we live."

"We live?" David asked.

"Yeah," Mark answered, opening the door. "Neither of us ever really felt the need for a permanent place on land so we live on the boat. Except for during the winter storms. Then we rent an apartment in Hawaii. Suits both of us fine. Can I take your coats?"

They slipped off their coats silently as they looked around the homey area. To the right of where they stood was a small bathroom. On the left was a table with a booth seat lining the two walls. They could smell meat and tomato sauce simmering in the pot when Mark lifted the lid to stir it. Across from the kitchen area was an entertainment/storage unit. It held a 25" TV and VCR, several books and videos in racks built to prevent them from falling off in rough seas. Past that was two sets of double bunks across from each other, though the top bunks had both been turned into storage cabinets. Mark moved to another closet. When he opened it they could see dry-cleaning storage bags hanging. Noticing their looks he said, "Our good clothes. Suits, that type of thing."

They nodded and continued to look around what was obviously a cozy little home for the two men.

"You want anything to drink?" Mark asked stepping up to the small refrigerator.

"What have you got?" David stepped up behind him to look over his shoulder. He was curious to see if Mark was at least eating healthy.

Dianne paid little attention to them as she stood in front of the cabinet door covered in photos. Each one had been laminated before being tacked to the door. She was surprised to see a copy of the picture from Julia's sixth birthday party. It was her, Julia, David, and Amy. Hannah must have given it to Mark. There was a picture of her and Mark and David just before she'd married Mark. She stared in confusion for a moment at a picture of two Caleb's, then she realized Caleb was a twin. There were subtle differences once you looked for them. One was a little tanner, his hair a lighter shade, most likely from constant exposure to the sun. The other had a gold-capped tooth that showed when he grinned like he was in the picture. The other half-dozen or so pictures were 'vacation' shots of Mark and/or Caleb.

"Dianne?"

"Hmm? What?" She turned to look at the two brothers who stood watching her.

"I asked if lemonade was okay with you?" David said.

"Yeah, that's fine. I was just looking at the pictures. Did Hannah send you this?" She asked pointing to the one of Julia's birthday party.

"Yeah. About a year ago when I first started writing her. I didn't want to intrude or anything on you guys so I asked her not to tell you."

Dianne nodded, then pointed to the picture of Caleb and his twin. "He has a twin brother?"

"Ezra. Last Caleb heard he was working out of Denver."

"You two are close?" She asked, running her fingers over one of the pictures of both of them, watching his reaction.

"Yeah." Mark shrugged. "Hard not to be when you're with a person 24/7 and no way of escaping short of shoving them overboard. He's a good guy. They had it kind of rough as kids, but they got through it together. They don't see each other that often but they try to write." He gestured for them to sit as he sat down at the table.

"I thought all you manly fisherman drank beer?" Dianne teased noticing he was drinking lemonade as well.

Mark shook his head. "It's been just shy of two years now since the last time I had a drink."

"You're a... or, I guess, were an alcoholic?" David asked in surprise. He knew Mark had always enjoyed having a beer but he'd never known him to drink to excess.

"Not quite. I was definitely headed that way. Caleb finally got tired of it and talked some sense into me."

"How'd he do that?" David was well aware of just how stubborn his younger brother could be.

Mark remained silent for a moment, his gaze moving to the wall of pictures. Finally, "He handed me a gun and said if I wanted to kill myself I should just do it because he wasn't going to sit there and watch me do it slowly with alcohol poisoning."

They weren't sure what shocked them more; that Mark might have actually contemplated suicide or that a man he claimed was a friend had actually said that to him.

"I realized at that point what I'd been doing and made the decision to turn my life around. It was time to atone for all the screw-ups in my life."

"You didn't find God or something did you?" David asked suspiciously.

Mark burst out laughing, "Hell, no. No, I just... It was time to grow up and realize the world didn't revolve around me and my self-pity. I wanted to apologize for everything I put you through, Dianne. Everything I put both of you through."

"And Julia?" Dianne asked softly.

"Julia," Mark sighed. "We should never have had her." He held up a hand when he saw the immediate outrage on their faces. "We, you and I, Dianne, should never have had children, should never have been married. You should have been with David from the start. I did, I still do, love you, Dianne, but we weren't meant to be together. I also came to love Julia through Hannah's letters, and I'm certain now that I'm not meant to be a father. I couldn't love her the way she deserved to be and to just sit there and wait for her to die..."

Rising to his feet, Mark went to the refrigerator and poured himself more lemonade. Unable to face them yet he checked the time and stirred the meat and sauce some more. He pulled out another pot, filled it with water, and set it to boil. Out of things to do he glanced at them quickly before dropping his gaze to the floor again.

Dianne looked at David who nodded and squeezed her hand. Getting up, she moved to stand in front of her ex-husband.

"I wish things could have been different between us, Mark, but they weren't. Julia was a blessing. A beautiful, loving child whom deserved to be loved in return. I can't forget that you turned your back on us, on her. But I can try to forgive. I know you're afraid of loving someone only to have them die," Dianne paused, one hand reaching up to gently cup his cheek. "That's part of life, Mark. Nothing can change that. Shutting yourself away from everyone, closing off your heart, is just going to leave you lonely. David and I will always be here for you, but you have to take the first steps."

"I know. I'm so sorry, Dianne, for the pain I've caused you. The pain I've caused both of you," Mark said, lifting his head so he could meet David's gaze.

For a moment David just stared at his brother. Mark, the stoic one, the one who hadn't shed a tear since the day their brother Neil died, stood weeping unashamedly. Stepping forward, he took his little brother in his arms and did something he should have done all those years ago. He whispered, "It'll be alright, Mark. Everything's going to be alright."

They all knew things were not magically okay between them, but it was a start. A sudden rapping on the upper wall had them jumping in surprise. Mark smiled sheepishly as he wiped away the tears.

"Caleb's back with groceries. I need to go give him a hand."

"I'll help," David offered, brushing at the tears on his own face. They both looked to Dianne who'd moved over to the stove.

"I'll stay here and make sure your lunch doesn't burn," she smiled teasingly. Mark grinned back and headed out the door, David following behind him.

Topside, Caleb had just finished transferring the ten bags of groceries from the fish cart to the deck when the two brothers emerged. Caleb watched them tensely for a moment until Mark flashed his 'everything's good' smile. He let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"Caleb, this is my brother David. David, this is my partner Caleb." Mark looked through the bags while they shook hands. "You gave Anna the list and told her we needed it by Friday, right?"

"Yes, Mark," Caleb answered patiently. He understood his lover was probably still nervous. "She said we could pick it up any time after one."

"Good. Hey, what's this?" Mark held up a six-pack of Jell-O pudding snacks.

"Those would be pudding snacks."

David looked from Caleb's smirk to Mark's upraised eyebrow, wondering what he was missing.

"Didn't I tell you not to buy a lot of sugar-filled snacks?"

"No," Caleb drawled, the smirk broadening. "You told me I could only get two boxes of Twinkies. Those are sugar-free anyway."

"Learn how to read, Caleb. They say fat-free."

"Fat-free, sugar-free. Same difference. Hey, at least they're healthy for you."

"David, you're a doctor. Tell him these aren't good for him," Mark turned to his brother. Caleb also watched him expectantly, waiting to hear what he said.

"Well, it's not the healthiest of foods," David replied, a little hesitant.

Mark grinned triumphantly.

"But it's a lot better than most of the other processed snack foods out there. I frequently recommend it to my kids' parents as an alternative."

It was Caleb's turn to grin triumphantly as he took the snack pack and dropped it back into the bag. "It stays. Thanks, Doc."

Mark tried to glare at David, but couldn't quite manage it. Caleb just continued to grin as he moved past them to take four bags down to the cabin.

"It'll be all your fault if I kill him during the next storm," Mark said, wagging his finger at David before grabbing four more grocery bags. David grabbed the last two and followed Mark into the cabin.

"Is he really that bad?"

"Not really," Mark answered. "It's just we got stuck in a three day storm last trip, with nothing to do but sit around playing cards, watch video tapes, and eat. By the time the third day rolled around he was bouncing off the walls on a sugar-high not even a 5 year old could match." He didn't mention that they'd worked off Caleb's surplus of energy with some of the wildest continuous sex Mark had ever had.

In the cabin they found Dianne helping Caleb sort through and put away the groceries. The extra meat and freezable items Mark took and stored in one of the ice filled fish holds. Lunch was ready by the time they were done.

"Well, I guess we should be leaving now," Dianne said, glancing at David. "Let you eat before it gets cold."

Mark looked to Caleb who nodded, his lips quirking in a slight smile. "Why don't you join us for lunch?"

"I made extra," Caleb added. "I had kind of assumed you would be joining us."

"If you're sure?" David asked.

"We're sure," Caleb confirmed.

Lunch passed quickly as they talked of inconsequential things. Mostly about Mark and David's pleasanter memories of their childhood. Dianne told Caleb about her father and how he taught her to be a carpenter. Mark managed to coax Caleb into telling the story about how he and his brother managed to convince one of their Aunts that they stayed with that they were actually triplets. 'Micah' was the one always pulling pranks and stealing cookies. They had the poor woman so frazzled she finally got a hold of Maude and demanded she come pick up her three terrors.

"Maude couldn't understand why Aunt Gertie kept ranting about our brother Micah. Maude did finally figure out what was going on." Caleb frowned down at his cup a moment before rising to his feet and clearing away the lunch dishes.

Wondering at Caleb's sudden change in mood, David decided it would probably be a good idea for him and Dianne to leave. He'd seen the way Caleb cared for Mark, the way he made sure Mark ate enough, and the easy relationship the two men had. The last thing he wanted to do was cause a rift between them because of the rift between himself, Dianne, and Mark. Glancing at his watch, he said, "Lunch was delicious, Caleb. I'm afraid we have to go now though. I have a couple of patients I need to see at the hospital."

"Okay," Mark nodded. "I'll walk you out."

They all rose from the table, but Dianne hesitated, glancing at Caleb watching them. "Why don't you two go on ahead? I'd like to talk to Caleb for a moment."

"Why?" Mark started to ask but stopped at the shake of his lover's head.

"Go on. It's all right."

"It was nice meeting you, Caleb," David said, holding out his hand.

Caleb shook it. "It was good to meet you too."

David nodded then left with Mark. Dianne watched Caleb for a moment as he went back to cleaning the dishes. Finally she said, "You care about him a great deal, don't you?"

Putting down the dish he'd just picked up, Caleb looked at her. "Yes. He's my best friend."

Dianne looked down at her hands for a moment then brought her gaze back up to look him straight in the eyes. "Watch over him, please?"

Caleb just stared at her, uncertain of what she was trying to say.

"Mark puts on a good show of being strong, of being someone to lean on when things get tough, but he's not. He needs someone to lean on, someone to watch over him, worry about him."

"I already do," Caleb answered, his gaze drifting away to stare at nothing for a moment before flicking back to Dianne. "I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. We may not always know that reason, and we sure as hell won't always like that reason, but it's there. I won't let Mark be hurt again."

Dianne nodded. "Thank you."

Caleb watched her leave, staring at the empty doorway for a moment before heading topside as well. Leaning against the doorjamb, Caleb watched Mark say goodbye. He saw the look of surprise and mild apprehension cross Mark's face when Dianne handed him a pale pink stationary envelope. Another couple of minutes and they were gone, walking up the gangway to the upper dock. When Mark continued to stand there Caleb called out softly, "Mark?"

"Hmm? Oh, right," Mark muttered, realizing how long he'd been standing there. He walked over to where Caleb was standing then stopped again.

Caleb glanced at the envelope in Mark's hand then back up at his face. Mark was still staring down. "What is it?"

"A letter," Mark paused, lifting a hand to rub uncertainly at the back of his neck, "from Julia."

"Your daughter, Julia? I thought..."

"Dianne said that Amy, the girl who helped her with Julia, seemed to share a bond with her, with Julia. She always seemed to know exactly what Julia was trying to say. Amy wrote the letter for Julia."

Looking down at the pale pink envelope, Caleb wondered how something so innocent looking had the potential to do so much damage. Gently grasping Mark's arm, Caleb pulled him into the cabin and pushed him towards the stairs. "Why don't you take it downstairs to read? I still have some dishes to clean, but I'm sure I can find something up here to do if you want to be alone?"

Mark shook his head, his voice little more than a whisper. "No. I don't want to be alone."

"You won't be. You won't ever be alone again, love." Caleb hugged him briefly before steering him once more down the stairs.

Down in the cabin Mark sat on their bunk while Caleb finished cleaning up after lunch. He stared at the envelope for several long minutes before opening it with trembling hands. He pulled out the folded sheet of paper and opened them to stare at the neat, childish handwriting. Taking a deep breath, he began to read.

Caleb tried to give Mark some privacy as he read but couldn't help the surreptitious looks to check on him, to make sure he was alright. He'd done the same with his brother on more than one occasion, until the day Ezra had yelled at him. Reminded him that their mother was still alive, he couldn't replace her and to stop trying. That had been shortly before that fateful Spring Break trip and he'd left. Caleb had begun to distance himself from Ezra then, not wanting to 'smother' him with his protectiveness. Ezra, being Ezra, had pretended like the argument never happened, though he also began to close himself off from Caleb. He hadn't actually seen his brother in person since the day he walked away from Browns College. Caleb missed his brother greatly and the infrequent letters weren't enough anymore. He wondered if Mark would mind going to visit Ezra with him for one of the holidays.

Mark.

Guiltily, Caleb turned to look at his lover. Tears were streaming unchecked down his face. Caleb waited until Mark put down the letter to move to his side.

"Mark?" He said gently.

Mark looked up and saw the concern, the love, and the need to comfort in his lover's eyes. He moved over so Caleb could join him on the bunk. Once he was settled Mark lay back against him and handed over the letter. Closing his eyes, he snuggled deeper into Caleb's tight embrace, soaking up his strength and love.

Caleb just held Mark for a moment, pressing his cheek against the top of Mark's head, inhaling deeply. After a moment he began to read.

 

_Dear Daddy,_

_I know you are my real daddy and not David. Grammy told me. I wanted to thank you for all the postcards you sent me. They are my favoritest things. They let me see other places even though I can't go there. I asked why you don't visit me. She told me that some times when people don't know how to deal with some thing they run away from it. I forgive you for not being able to stay. I wish I had been born normal so that you could have stayed and we could have been a real family. I love you and hope you are happy where ever you are._ i

_Love,  
Julia_

 

Caleb blinked back a few tears of his own as he hugged his lover tighter. He searched for something to say but couldn't think of anything that wouldn't sound like a platitude. So he just held Mark and waited.

"She died thinking I didn't love her."

"No. She knew. If she didn't know then, she knows now. There are no secrets, no misunderstandings in Heaven," Caleb said softly.

"Really?" Mark glanced up at him.

"Um-hmm. She knows you love her, that you always will."

"I hope so," Mark murmured, beginning to drift to sleep in Caleb's warm embrace, worn out by the day's events.

"She does," Caleb reassured him, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head.

"Caleb?"

"Yes, love?"

"How long has it been since you saw your brother?"

"Too long," Caleb sighed. "Far too long."

"You should go see him. Maybe over the winter."

"Maybe, but only if you come with me."

"Okay," Mark agreed, his eyes closing as he finally fell asleep. Caleb continued to hold him content to watch his lover sleep.

 

Fini


End file.
